I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
