I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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