people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The air taste purple.
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