why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
