in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
