Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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