She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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