You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
