We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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