uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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