I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
