wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
