she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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