between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
