Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
