checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize