i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
