There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
