dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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