maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
