If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
