I am puke
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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