it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
