I think I am morally bankrupt
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize