I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
