I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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