so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
