ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
