she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
