the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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