The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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