Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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