Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
