if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
