I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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