Soap is not a condiment
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
