Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
