i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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