I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
