I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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