May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
