When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
