Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
