This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
