your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.