You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.