Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
