i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family