I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian