You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?