Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?