I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.