He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
