I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize