Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
