Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
