Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
