I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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