cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
