I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
