Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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