It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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