Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
