"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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